The Iceman .cometh

Cattle

2006-11-09T13:18:00.000+01:00

"They left behind them the splendors of the public rooms and plunged into laybrinthine corridors in the upper rear of the building, passing scores of tiny offices divided by prefabricated partitions in which the BOSS batallions labored under the humming air-conditioning units. Very few people raised their heads as the three of them passed.

'Cattle.' Bonny nudged Daniel. 'How can they stand life in this abbatoir of the spirit?'"

- shamelessly lifted from Elephant Song by Wilbur Smith

The face that stops traffic

2006-11-03T13:51:00.000+01:00

... on a regular basis - I dare add.

warm...

warmer...

disco!

Disclaimer: Before anybody starts pointing out, I'm gonna do it myself.
I hereby declare that I shot this picture in shitty light using a shitty camera. The only thing that surpasses my camera and the illumination in its shittiness is my absolutely shitty sense of comic timing.
If anything in these pictures looks even remotely good, I am not - repeat, NOT - responsible for it, and any sign of wit in this post is purely an accident.

then how will you satisfy ur sexual desire?

2006-10-31T20:19:00.000+01:00

A few words first:

1. This conversation takes place in two languages: English and Telugu. People who know both languages will appreciate it better. I don't feel like translating it right now. When I feel like it, I'll try and translate it.
2. I am Mr. X in this conversation. I'm a short sighted dork who has no time to get off his ass and get laid. I quit Infosys Technologies, Limited so that I could sleep all I wanted, play all I wanted and go anywhere I wanted. I didn't make it into Google because I simply couldn't act dumb enough. So now, I "freelance" when I need money to pay my bills and avoid job interviews like the plague. If I can't find enough money in time, I turn to my dad or my friends; poor people.
3. Mr. Y works for a reputed organization in a respectable position and is around 25 years old. He is usually drunk on weekends - as he probably must have been when he was typing to me.
4. I don't mean to insult Y by posting this here. I mean to insult the system that causes a person's brain to vegetate to such an extent that he is appalled at the very mention of a person ready to stay single all his life and work for nobody but himself. I hate a system that puts the "fear" of life in a person and drives him to keep earning money for no definite purpose.
This post is simply me wondering out loud how many people see life the same way as me.
5. Enough bullshit. Here goes...

Session Start (xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx:yyy_yyyyyy): Sun Oct 29 01:56:08 2006
[01:56] yyy_yyyyyy: arey how are u?
[01:56] xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx: Im cool, man how are you?
[01:56] yyy_yyyyyy: i am good..where are u now?
[01:56] xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx: Begumpet
[01:56] xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx: hows work?
[01:57] yyy_yyyyyy: going on ra..
[01:57] yyy_yyyyyy: hey where are you working?
[01:57] xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx: nowhere. Im freelancing
[01:57] yyy_yyyyyy: adentira?
[01:58] xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx: apply cheyyataniki interest poyindi.
[01:58] xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx: cheyinche lavada pooku panulaki 1000 questions and shit.
[01:58] xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx: lite teesukunna.
[01:58] yyy_yyyyyy: then what are ur plans?
[01:59] xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx: freelance, freelance, freelance.
[01:59] xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx: have fun.
[01:59] xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx: thats it.
[01:59] yyy_yyyyyy: enni rojulu ra...?
[01:59] xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx: what difference does it make?
[01:59] xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx: ilaga manchi experience anna vastundi.
[02:00] yyy_yyyyyy: em exp vasthadhi ra?
[02:00] xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx: edo company lo bench meeda koorchune dokku experience kaakunda.
[02:00] xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx: actual work.
[02:00] xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx: real work.
[02:00] xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx: not doing some shit documentation or maintenance.
[02:01] yyy_yyyyyy: but at the same time think about ur future
[02:02] xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx: there is no future.
[02:02] yyy_yyyyyy: ayya...enti ra nuvvu?
[02:02] xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx: Id rather be in coltrol [sic] of my work than let somebody dictate what to do.
[02:03] xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx: rei. edo company choosi join avutamu. vaadu repu podduna paripodani guarantee emundi?
[02:03] xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx: lekapote ninnu dengeimanadane guarantee emundi?
[02:04] yyy_yyyyyy: kani edo okkati jarige varaku manaku money vasthadhi kada ra...
[02:04] xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx: 10 20 30 years standing choostam kani this is the truth: when it comes to cost cutting, your employer wont think twice about kicking your ass.
[02:04] xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx: enta sepu ra?
[02:04] yyy_yyyyyy: mari money ela ra neku?
[02:04] xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx: oka employee peru cheppi client daggara 25 dollars per hour dengi icchedi enta?
[02:05] xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx: 2 dollars per hour.
[02:05] xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx: inka rojuki 12 gantalu office lo waste.
[02:05] yyy_yyyyyy: correct ra.....but we cant question them right?
[02:05] xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx: weekend vaste taagi padukovataniki saripotundi.
[02:05] yyy_yyyyyy: if we question them they will kick us right?
[02:06] xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx: yes. so Ive decided not to work for them at all.
[02:06] xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx: that way, I dont care how he fucks up my life.
[02:06] xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx: rei icche dabbulaki I cant destroy my health or happiness.
[02:07] xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx: musalodinaithe etu aa rendu undavu.
*** the funniest segment... so I'll try to translate this inline ***
[02:07] yyy_yyyyyy: mari pelli? what about marriage
[02:07] xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx: rendu unnappudu oka cubicle lo koorchuni potta penchukovataniki saripotundi jeevitam.
[02:07] xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx: PELLA??? MARRIAGE???
[02:07] xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx: no pelli. no marriage
[02:07] yyy_yyyyyy: varni... incredible...
[02:08] yyy_yyyyyy: enti babu.. what the heck..
[02:08] xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx: 1 cr katnamiste chesukunta. Ill marry if somebody gives me ten million
[02:08] xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx: lekapote light. otherwise no

[02:08] yyy_yyyyyy: then how will you satisfy ur sexual desire?

[02:09] xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx: I have two hands.
[02:09] xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx: one is enough for now.
[02:09] yyy_yyyyyy: ne abba... man! I swear by your father...
[02:09] xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx: soon, I wont need to use hands at all.
[02:09] yyy_yyyyyy: bathukantha anthe na ra... will you spend your whole life like this?
[02:09] yyy_yyyyyy: enduku? why? [referring to the 'no hands at all' statement]
[02:10] xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx: guddalo baddhakamekkuvai evari venaka padanu. I'm too lazy to even consider getting of my ass and trying to impress some woman.
[02:10] xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx: once I lose that, evarto picchi lanja padutundile. once I lose that [laziness], I'll get some crazy bitch.
[02:10] yyy_yyyyyy: orai..naku emi ardham kavatam ledu.. dude... I can't comprehend a damn thing.
*** end of funniest segment. no more translation. fuck off. ***
[02:10] yyy_yyyyyy: me intlo vallu emi anadam leda?
[02:11] xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx: pattinchukoru vallu
[02:11] xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx: mana sangati telise eppudo lite teesukunnaru
[02:11] yyy_yyyyyy: y?
[02:11] xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx: mata vine type kanu nenu. cheppi cheppi alisipoyaru
[02:12] yyy_yyyyyy: mari neku bore ravatam leda ne life meda/
[02:12] yyy_yyyyyy: >
[02:12] yyy_yyyyyy: ?
[02:13] xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx: computer. movies. games. blue films. good work thats fun to do. lots of sleep... emi bore kodutundi?
[02:15] yyy_yyyyyy: arey..enti asalu navuu...job cheyanantav, pelli no annav, intlo valla mata vinav, rojantha computer,movies games, bf ante asalu mari ne life ki ardham enti ra...
[02:15] xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx: arey... na notilonchi vedantam vacchetattu chesavante picchekki paripotavu. lite teesuko.
[02:16] yyy_yyyyyy: adhi kadu ra...mari neku ne life meda bayam leda?
[02:16] xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx: enduku?
[02:16] yyy_yyyyyy: friends unnara akkada?
[02:18] xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx: unnaru
[02:18] yyy_yyyyyy: bayataki velthu untava?
[02:18] yyy_yyyyyy: leka pothe room lone untava?
[02:18] xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx: tirugutu unta mood vacchinappudu.
[02:19] yyy_yyyyyy: money...inti nunchi vasthada?
[02:19] xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx: I earn my money.
[02:19] yyy_yyyyyy: ela?
[02:19] xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx: freelancing ante free ga pani cheyyatamanukunnava?
[02:19] xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx: I get paid to do projects.
[02:19] yyy_yyyyyy: ?????????
[02:20] yyy_yyyyyy: projects like?
[02:20] xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx: freelancing ante oka company to link lekunda.
[02:20] xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx: writing web applications, MS projects...
[02:20] yyy_yyyyyy: ok....will u get enough money?
[02:21] xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx: I need 7-8 thousand to survive. so I make at least that much per month
[02:22] yyy_yyyyyy: but do u think...u will live this life for ever?
[02:22] xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx: who is talking about living forever? I will do this as long as Im not sick and tired of it.
[02:22] xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx: then... who knows?
[02:22] yyy_yyyyyy: arey.....enti ra nuvvu
[02:23] yyy_yyyyyy: emora naku matram emi ardham kavatam ledu...
[02:23] yyy_yyyyyy: hope u will live up to ur expectations...n will acheive the life u want to live
[02:24] xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx: I might... I might not. I dont know.
[02:24] yyy_yyyyyy: arey then y dont u start something of ur own?
[02:24] yyy_yyyyyy: if u are not interested to work under someone
[02:24] xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx: what do you think Im doing right now?
Session Close (yyy_yyyyyy): Sun Oct 29 02:25:22 2006

Session Start (xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx:yyy_yyyyyy): Sun Oct 29 02:25:34 2006
[02:25] yyy_yyyyyy: ok..so ela ne pedha projects vasthe...more money anthe na?
[02:26] xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx: thats it. neat and clean.
[02:26] yyy_yyyyyy: ne phone number adhena?
[02:26] xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx: 9999999999
[02:27] yyy_yyyyyy: na dhegara adhe undhi le...
[02:27] yyy_yyyyyy: inka
[02:27] yyy_yyyyyy: Ramu gadu eppudu kalisadu ninnu?
[02:28] xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx: kalustadannadu. address lekunda poyadu.
[02:28] yyy_yyyyyy: avunule vadu edo SAP nerchukuntunnadu
[02:28] xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx: I know
[02:29] yyy_yyyyyy: he is working n learning in the same institute
[02:29] xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx: piccha hectic ata
[02:29] yyy_yyyyyy: avunanta
[02:29] yyy_yyyyyy: enni rooms ra nevi?
[02:29] xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx: 1
[02:29] yyy_yyyyyy: varni..
[02:29] xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx: penthouse
[02:29] yyy_yyyyyy: ok..
[02:29] yyy_yyyyyy: pedhada?
[02:30] xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx: not too big
[02:30] xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx: big enough
[02:30] yyy_yyyyyy: if me n Ramu come there can we sleep?
[02:30] xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx: yeah
don't get any funny ideas. I'm straight. I line up three bean bags if there's no room on my bed.
[02:30] yyy_yyyyyy: ok
[02:31] yyy_yyyyyy: so u work from home itself avuna?
[02:31] xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx: avunu
[02:31] yyy_yyyyyy: n where do u get this projects from?
[02:32] xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx: luck, mostly.
[02:32] yyy_yyyyyy: net?
[02:32] xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx: for now, Im heavily dependent on luck.
[02:32] xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx: after some time, I will get on the net and look for projects.
[02:33] yyy_yyyyyy: adhe ra nenu andedhi...ippud projects lekapothe neku money undadhu...
[02:34] xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx: appudu sangati appudu choosta. ippudu tension enduku?
[02:34] yyy_yyyyyy: ok...
[02:35] yyy_yyyyyy: anthelera...Talent unte eppudaine no probs...
[02:35] xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx: talent kadu. balls.
[02:35] yyy_yyyyyy: adhendhi ra...ne yenkamma
[02:36] xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx: guddalo dammu lekapote nothing is possible.
[02:36] xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx: talent unte you will be exploited most of the time.
[02:36] yyy_yyyyyy: yep..ur right..
[02:36] yyy_yyyyyy: avunu..
[02:37] yyy_yyyyyy: arey enough for today
[02:37] xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx: poi paduko
[02:37] yyy_yyyyyy: naku nidara vasthundhi..
[02:37] yyy_yyyyyy: bye..n b in touch
[02:37] xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx: will do. bye.
Session Close (yyy_yyyyyy): Sun Oct 29 02:37:57 2006

I hate dumb jingoistic motherfuckers

2006-10-31T19:59:00.000+01:00

Cricket: India's unofficial official game. It's hard to see why. This "team" has done its best to dash the hopes of a billion [or something like that] people to pieces time and time again.
Come a pressure situation and they fail spectacularly and recite the same hackneyed verse over and over: "the other team was simply too good for us and this has been a learning experience. We will do our best [to fail again] next time."
This fan club - freshly christened "The Blue Billion" AKA "Bharat Army" [in NO WAY connected to the Indian Army] - is apparently blind. It simply refuses to fire up a few cranial cells and pierce the flimsy veil of bullshit that separates fact from fiction.
This is what I observe. I wonder if the Blue Billion does...
. All the time they're "learning", they fly first class, stay in nothing less than five star hotels and wallow in money.
. They have all the time in the world for product endorsements but don't have any to do what they're really getting paid for. It's surprising how quickly they "learn" to endorse cola and shit.
. They're under contract to an entity that was based in London and now is based in Dubai, yet they claim to be "patriots playing for their country". Fuck this nonsense, they're just playing to make a quick buck. This is apparent when a new face comes and creates waves and after a few brand endorsement contracts, becomes another liability.
. If Felipe Massa - a nobody compared to all the ace drivers this season - can take a race driven by the sheer sight of 30000 Brazillians cheering for him, why the heck can't the dipshits - collectively called "Team India" - win a goddamn final given all they ever will need and being the objects of adulation of a billion people - some of who will immolate themselves for them?

And then there are the fans. These people just beg to be suckered by somebody over and over and over again. Just use the magic word - patriotism - and they'll drop down on their knees and suck your dick.
These people will die and kill for a game. They'll turn a technical discussion about a simple game into a war between two countries and will introduce words like "traitor" into these discussions.
They don't know why they even support who they support. Their reasons are more like excuses. Show me a reason why they like some player form Team India and Ill show you a player from another country who has done it better.
They can't be possibly in love with the game. They only want to feel like they've "conquered" or "vanquished" somebody. Impotent pricks.

I love the Carribean, Brit and Tasman crowds. They come to the game to have fun. They lie half naked on the grass with beers and DJs spinning records at either end of the stadium.
They don't hang to cages - there are no cages - like rabid monkeys. Sure, they're want their team to win and give the other side a tough time, but importantly, they're discerning and cool. Cricket isn't their life; it's just good fun.

There's the media. Objective is the last thing they are.
You have airheads all over the place. Dumb women like Mandira Bedi whose entire cricketing vocabulary will fit in her asshole. No, scratch that. Her's must be wide and well used. MY asshole [I swear nobody has sodomized me till date].
Just two sentences: "(My intuition says) we [Team India] will win" [before the match] and "The other team played well but I'm very disappointed we [Team India] didn't win" [after the match]. On the rare occasion "Team India" does win, she's too high jumping up and down chattering like a monkey to speak coherently.
The only thing one would notice about her in the show is her plunging neckline.

Corporations have a field day with these jingoistic fools. While gullible people are busy eating manure like "Hoo ha India [... ...] India", they're laughing all the way to the bank.
Check this ad out before and after "Team India" got kicked out of the Champions Trophy.

Mr. Maharaja, decide which side you are on and STICK TO IT.
The little text box to the left of the pictures is a small portion of the "Blue Billion" that wastes its time "analyzing" why "India" lost and cussing A or B or C or D.

ASSHOLES!! NOBODY GIVES A RAT'S ASS! I HATE YOU JINGOISTIC ASSHOLES WHEN YOU BRAND SOMEONE UNPATRIOTIC OR TRAITOR WHEN HE CALLS SHIT SHIT. GET A LIFE... GET SOME PERSPECTIVE... GROW A SPINE. OR JUST BURN IN HELL.

Holy shit! Holy Messengers!!

2006-09-08T23:14:00.000+02:00

Can't believe these idiots spend MONEY to propagate their DIVINE MESSAGE.

... and what the fuck're they trying to convey?
Thou shalt accept god [!!! small G deliberate !!!] or else...

I see mountains of this dung plastered to church walls in places where the only people who convert are aimless freeloaders who're promised hooch, minority reservations, free food at prayer meetings and assorted perks provided they shout loud enough to present people of the 'hood with ONLY TWO options:
1. stay home at weekends and get a headache
2. join the collective and shout louder
... kinda like smoking.
These assholes end up being rechristened so badly it makes listeners wanna kill themselves.
I mean MARY KUMARI??? JOHN PYDITALLI??? YESUPADAM [translation: Jesus' foot]??? YESUBIDDA [translation: son of (son of god)]??? YESUNAYANA [translation: father of (son of god)]???
Fuck me.

Now this crap has graduated from dirty walls to clean webpages while the owner probably remains ignorant of the fact.

Instead of fighting, bickering and trying to con dumb mobs into accepting their respective religions, why can't these bastards just say "Bollocks to religion and god [or the son of god or the prophet of god or the pubic hair of god or whatever]. Enjoy life without having to feel guilty or grateful." What's so tough about that?

free comic strips

2006-06-03T22:08:00.000+02:00

Your's truly - in a blinding flash of brilliance - spotted a hole in a very popular syndicate's website and as a result, was able to write a simple webpage to get ALL their comic strips for free.
These strips include Calvin and Hobbes, Doonesbury and Wizard of Id. More will be added.
http://www.freecomicstrips.blogspot.com
This is where anybody can find a humungous collection of comic strips.
Enjoy.

we don't need no education

2006-01-15T16:30:00.000+01:00

Teachers: shapers of destiny or scum of the earth?

all hail the police!

2006-01-09T07:19:00.000+01:00

Here's yet another shining example of how the great policing machine does its best to lead by example:

FAQ

2006-01-08T11:32:00.000+01:00

[pronounced "far-kyou"]

These are a few questions a few people've been asking me with irriating frequency.
I'd like to answer 'em all here.

Q. So wassup?
A. Nothing.

Q. Umm... okay. What happened to your Google job?
A. Didn't make it.

Q. Why?
A. How the fuck am I supposed to know? Maybe I was too shaggy. Maybe I was to smelly. Maybe I was too brash. Maybe I was too dull. Maybe my underwear peeked out. Maybe I had acute gingivitis... WHATEVER. How in the blue hell am I supposed to know?

Q. Anyway, what next?
A. The game I'm raping to death. Poseidon - Zeus' Official Expansion.

Q. *incredulous* Are you serious?
A. Do you see any reason why I should be funny now?

Q. But what about money? How are you gonna earn your living?
A. If you have a wad of cash to spare, please feel free to part with it. Otherwise, BUGGER OFF! How I'm gonna earn my living ain't none of your goddamn business.

Q. So are you gonna apply to Google again?
A. Never. I will NOT EVER do anything that requires me to pretend that I'm not me. I'm a pessimist. I'm full of myself. I like flying solo and respect people who respect me for what I am. The others don't blip on my RADAR.

Q. err... awright. But where does Google figure here?
A. Looks like you're not very perceptive. Google wanted me to 'act like a team player', 'show zeal towards life', 'show excitement about the job and my future'... and stupid crap like that.
I AM a team player when I respect the people in my team. I AM zealous about my life or else I'd have been compost by now. And if I wasn't excited about the job, I wouldn't have applied.
It doesn't take Einstein to figure that out. But no! They want me to peddle my ass. They want me to bounce around the room. They disturb me by taking notes when I speak like I'm a goddamn lab rat. Then they don't squeak for ten days after which I get a flowery email that essentially means "piss off, you're no good".
Fine. But do I have to wait ten days in suspense to hear bad news? Do I have to stay glued to my phone all the time? Do I have to shelve all my plans indefinitely until I receive that sacred call? I don't think so.

Q. he he he...
A. What?

Q. You're acting like a hypocrite by bad-mouthing Google on it's own servers.
A. Sue me.

Q. So your future plans?
A. Finish my game, make some money if possible, then find a quick and painless way to die.

Q. Man! You sound like a loser!
A. I didn't ask you for your analysis of my psyche. Now if you'll excuse me, I'll go back to my game.

"what motivates you?"

2005-12-09T03:05:00.000+01:00

This was a question Ramsey asked me six months back on the day I hopelessly botched my interview. Looked like I'd taken my 'mysterious self' too seriously, because I was in a complete funk - too many ideas but not a single word. Now that I'm about to face that interview again, I'm determined not to let the lack of words fuck me up.

While thinking about the above question, I hit an answer that was triggered by a movie poster. There are many things that motivate me or anybody else for that matter. Money, sex, the good life... But there's one common thread that runs through all these factors. Check out this poster; especially the punch line.

THERE ARE FEW MOMENTS IN LIFE... YOU FEEL GREATNESS

It's these moments of greatness I live for. These moments of greatness that motivate me.
There are times when one feels so great that he thinks for an instant "It doesn't matter if I do nothing else from here on. THIS moment's gonna see to it that I die a happy man."
This moment's highly transient. Blink and it's gone. Life's back to its usual drudgery. I've the ability to revel in such moments for days.

I felt great when I first took my toy apart.
I felt great when I first forged dad's signature and escaped a thrashing in school.
I felt great when I rode my first bicycle.
I felt great when I won prizes without even trying.
I felt great when I finished a game other people had been breaking their heads on. I now feel great after every game I finish.
I felt great whenever my bike crossed seventy. The poor thing can't do that anymore.
I felt great when I topped the English exam in college despite the fact that I'd left three sheets of my main paper blank and others had killed a whole forest for a few petty marks.
I felt great when I read The Fountainhead and Atlas Shrugged because I could see a part of myself in those books.
I felt great when I didn't bugger freshers to get back at a few seniors who'd buggered me for that very reason.
I felt great when I wrote my first game and collapsed due to sleep deprivation for three days.
I felt great after I finished college with the record of not having taken a single additional answer sheet.
I felt great when I told the Polaris interviewer bitch who wanted me to "sell myself to her" that "I didn't like yapping about myself" and watched her jaw drop wide open in shock.
I felt great when I was selected at Infosys. The second biggest mistake of my life.
I felt great when I wrote my first HTML page: one that neatly displayed all the Calvin and Hobbes strips I'd taken off UComics.com.
I felt great after every all-night-multiplayer-session of Age of Empires during the paid vacation read training at Mysore. Nothing gives me the feeling that flouting authority does. Especially when the 'authority' is a bunch of idiots farting out silly rules for no sensible reason.
I felt great when I wrote a program that searched a bunch of files for any number of strings and produced cool reports which saved the project a shitload of money and a whole lotta time.
I felt great when I first karted. Twenty six laps and not a single crash.
I felt great when I figured out ["learnt" is a wrong word here] how to generate reports in MS Access and explained it to a befuddled 'senior'. All in one day.
I felt great when I wrote a program that communicated with web services.
I felt great when I ran at 15 KPH for twenty minutes straight. I felt the pain for a month and still kept running, feeling greater everyday I did.
I felt great when I kicked the fucking job goodbye and stepped out facing the world with four grand in my bank account.
I felt great when I played again for fifty hours until my eyes refused to focus on any target. That was three days ago. My eyes still burn.
I feel great as I write this because I'm a damn good psychologist without having read a single book or having attended a single seminar on the subject.

These moments define my life. They've defined my past and will define my future. I don't wanna do anything that doesn't offer me moments of greatness. I hope that I croak right in the middle of one such moment. A jump off a cliff seems to be the perfect answer.

Now I'll generalize. EVERYBODY lives for such moments, no matter how they come.
Criminals find them in crime.
Inventors find them in their inventions: I'm sure most inventors would've been secretly proud of something that DIDN'T work but gave them that high.
Businessmen find them in money.
Sportsmen find them in 'their zone'.
Howard Roark found them in his buildings.
Hank Rearden found them in watching white hot Rearden Metal being poured.
Extreme sportsmen and junkies experience these moments with the most frequency.

Human being: A bag of chemicals perpetually reacting for the sole purpose of hitting the right combination.
Life: A quest for moments of greatness.

Platform 'Number Two'

2005-11-28T19:13:00.000+01:00

People've begun to take things literally around here.
I went to the railway station at 5.30 AM. Half asleep and fully frozen, I was about to sit on a bench and give my sore eyes a break. Fortunately, my nose wasn't out of commission. Alarm bells started ringing. I willed my eyes to focus... BAM!
A fresh, steaming pile of SHIT. To top it all off, this was PLATFORM NUMBER TWO.
What next? People pissing on platform number one?
I've seen some pretty weird shit by roadsides but never thought I'd be seeing shit sitting nicely on a bench in a railway station.
What sort of parents let their kid shit where other people'll sit and then simply walk off without doing anything about it? Damn! I always hated bawling, unreasonable kids. The hate's just gone up tenfold.
ACK!

world's shortest resignation letter

2005-11-22T23:49:00.000+01:00

I thought my resignation letter was short. I was mistaken.
Here's what an amigo wrote:

Dear sir/madam,
Maa chudao. Main chala.
Yours truly.

Genius or what?

we both have a common employer

epistle

2005-11-16T05:31:00.000+01:00

It's amazing what a little epistle can do to buoy up a mind struggling for breath.
Here goes...

Hi, Xxxxx.

This email is a formal request of my intention to quit Xxxxxxx and recover my faltering health.
The nature of work, i.e staring at a still screen for hours on end, has been causing sudden migraine attacks which are irritating at best and debilitating at worst.
I need a break from work life to bring my health back to normal and resume work afterwards.
I would be grateful if you could consider this request and initiate the separation process as soon as possible and relieve me by the end of November or the beginning of December, 2005.
I assure you that I will remain as committed as humanly possible thru the separation period.

Regards,
Xxxxxx.

I don't have an assured job when I step out. No safety nets. All I have is confidence that my life will find meaning on it's own or instant death if there is no meaning to be found.

For now, I'll just stick to staying up at nights playing my arse off, watching movies by the dozen, reading till I fall asleep and POUNDING POUNDING TECHNO MUSIC.

Bliss beckons.

Osho RULES!

2005-11-15T10:26:00.000+01:00

Here's why...

Osho: The Dhammapada, volume 11

BELOVED MASTER,
I FEEL SHOCKED WHEN YOU USE THE WORD 'FUCK'.
WHAT TO DO?

Sargamo, it is one of the most beautiful words. The English language should be proud of it. I don't think any other language has such a beautiful word. One Tom from California has done some great research on it. I think he must be the famous Tom of Tom, Dick and Harry fame.
He says:
One of the most interesting words in the English language today is the word 'fuck'. It is one magical word: just by its sound it can describe pain, pleasure, hate and love. In language it falls into many grammatical categories. It can be used as a verb, both transitive (John fucked Mary) and intransitive (Mary was fucked by John), and as a noun (Mary is a fine fuck). It can be used as an adjective (Mary is fucking beautiful). As you can see there are not many words with the versatility of 'fuck'.
Besides the sexual meaning, there are also the following uses:
Fraud: I got fucked at the used car lot.
Ignorance: Fucked if I know.
Trouble: I guess I am fucked now!
Aggression: Fuck you!
Displeasure: What the fuck is going on here?
Difficulty: I can't understand this fucking job.
Incompetence: He is a fuck-off.
Suspicion: What the fuck are you doing?
Enjoyment: I had a fucking good time.
Request: Get the fuck out of here!
Hostility: I am going to knock your fucking head off!
Greeting: How the fuck are you?
Apathy: Who gives a fuck?
Innovation: Get a bigger fucking hammer.
Surprise: Fuck! You scared the shit out of me!
Anxiety: Today is really fucked.
And it is very healthy too. If every morning you do it as a Transcendental Meditation -- just when you get up, the first thing, repeat the mantra "Fuck you!" five times -- it clears the throat. That's how I keep my throat clear!

Enough for today.

Fuck copyright. Osho's dead and his legacy in the hands of no good arseholes who fight for copyrights of everything from Osho's signature to his slippers. So I don't give a rat's arse about pillaging Osho's work.

Bugger off!

2005-11-09T05:34:00.000+01:00

Sonia Gandhi is an Italian and her real name is Antonia Maino. Why are we allowing her to sit in the topmost post?

This is one of the many dumbass SMSs I keep getting all the time, thanks to carriers who lure idiots with carrots of "unlimited SMS for 25 bucks a month". The same bastard carriers charge 1 paisa per every kilobyte of data transmitted over GPRS. Now we have a bunch of trigger happy monkeys who forward every piece of inane trash that hits their inbox thinking "what goes of my father?"
It's high time SMS is rechristened Simple Messaging for Spammers

Talking about Antonia Maino/Sonia Gandhi, what about the NRI dude who contested a mayoral election for some American state?
Where does all this goodwill evaporate when an NRI [Non Resident Italian] takes a seat of power in our own backyard?
The fools then make me hate my beautiful 9500 by writing crap thinking "what goes of my father?" and having everybody forward and re-forward it.

For the record, I do NOT support Antonia Maino/Sonia Gandhi or most of the vermin sitting on administrative seats dictating my life. They deserve to be clubbed to death. It's only the knowledge that they're up there because of guys like me down here working like dogs and paying taxes that keeps me going.
Maybe I'm taking Hank Rearden and John Galt too seriously. Adios.

Die, mankind. Die.

2005-11-07T09:47:00.000+01:00

Katrina, Rita, Teena, Meena, Sabena, tsunami, punani, earthquakes, acid rains, flood, blood, mud and all.
WE FUCKING DESERVE THEM. WITH TAX.
WE DESERVE TO BE EXTERMINATED.
Mankind is the single most depraved species on this planet and I'm ashamed to belong to this species.

Went home after eons and while I was strolling along at 4.30 AM, I saw something that completely unstrung me. It's a nondescript town called Rajahmundry. There's a huge paper mill that's the backbone of its economy. True to form, this factory was belching smoke. One couldn't tell where smoke ended and clouds began. The major ingredient in this ungodly suspension is SULFUR DIOXIDE. It stinks so bad that nobody in a ten kilometer radius can breathe free.
I wouldn't be surprised if it rained sulfuric acid in the future. Hell, I'd be glad. I'd rejoice on the day mankind falls prey to its own machinations.

I remember reading a little bit of Battlefield Earth during my bench period and now hope that soon, something descends and puts all mankind in its rightful place: the place we usually reserve for termites and assorted pests.

If one factory in the pint sized Rajahmundry can create a canopy of sulfur laced smoke over half the town, I shudder to think what goes on in all our "industrialized nations".
The consequence:
a one-way shield that lets heat and radiation in and keeps it there;
polar ice caps melt;
fresh water from melted ice mixes with saline water in the oceans at an accelerated rate;
tidal currents are fucked up;
and so are weather patterns;
the beginning of the end.

All this because of what?
A pesky, self important species that thinks it can crap on Nature forever.
A species that wants to chop down trees and use the resultant paper to wipe its arse or use the wood to build intricate coffins to put stiffs in, converting the planet into a huge greenhouse in the process.
Dad once told me that he had seen an engine that ran on WATER about fifty years ago. It split water into hydrogen and oxygen, burnt hydrogen in oxygen and got energy and water again as a by-product. The inventor was "silenced" by oil cartels who feared they'd go belly-up if this thing came into the spotlight. Look at what's happened in these fifty years.

Science and innovation are dictated by politics and economics. A bunch of power brokers and money mongers use their collective strength to suppress anybody or anything that's even remotely detrimental to their unscruplous business.

We kill animals to wear them, step on them, sit on them or hang their heads like trophies. Why is cannibalism taboo, then?
We chop down trees and clear forests to make room for more and more of our sinister designs.
We clog oceans and rivers with effluents, medical waste, plastic, nuclear shit...
And despite all this, when a "natural" disaster strikes, we gripe about the "fury of nature" and "poor victims". I repeat...
WE HAD IT COMING.

I completely agree with Nicholas Cage in The Rock when he sez something like "...even thinking of bringing a child into this world should be considered an act of cruelty..."

What saddens me most is that despite all this ranting, even I'm hooked to all this. Try as I might, I simply cannot shake this curse. Makes me feel ashamed to be alive. Makes me pray for another disaster to strike with me at Ground Zero and instantly smash me to pulp.

Mother Nature deserves her revenge... and we all deserve to die.

time warp!

2005-10-20T21:01:00.000+02:00

Sweet gawd! I thought it was lunch time when it's actually SEVENTEEN FIFTEEN.
And no, I didn't doze off. On the contrary, I'm wide, wide awake and still feel like I've spent four hours on my desk.
Triple checked every clock on the floor and they all read seventeen fifteen
There's something Bermuda Triangle-ish going on here.
Maybe I'll hear from Morpheus soon.

Suresh

2005-10-20T08:22:00.000+02:00

I'm firm in the belief that every person is entitled to stupidity. In fact, I'm pretty stupid myself but would shoot the bastard who comes to me and sez "Dude, you're stupid. Go get a life." It simply isn't his business unless I try to force some of my stupidity on him, and I'd NEVER do that.

But now, we have a specimen - a marvel of Creation - who is abysmally, infinitely stupid, tries to torture people with his gift of stupidity and in the end actually tries to defend it using BEAUTIFULLY composed retorts. He's tested and broken my Principle of No Public Opinion.

This muchacho has two victims I'm aware of:
Ramsey's World
Akshay in the Rye

Ladies and gentlemen! I present SURESH. A complete description is available at http://www.javajuggler.blogspot.com [This is NOT a hyperlink. The incovenience I'm causing is intentional because this site will interest only a shrink who hasn't had a patient in three years or a literature grad who has a suicidal streak in him. Mark my words, you will thank me for this.]

So what does he do? Something far, far worse that blog spamming.
Allow me to explain. Blog spam makes sense [I mean literally]. One never starts scratching his head after reading a spam comment. It can boast of grammatical correctness. But Suresh apparently hails from a dimension that has so badly defined grammatical laws that even Yoda - inverted syntax and all - would be forced to turn to the dark side and smite him down with his lightsaber. In short, Suresh SIMPLY DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE [the inmates of Arkham Asylum might disagree]. There is no context, no grammar, nothing.

This guy has apparently been booted out of a Google interview [like me] but thinks that burying his snout in Akshay's or Ramsey's behinds might get him somewhere.

Here are a few examples:

The actual post

hi akshay
i think you are the one asking me questions in HR round at DBN Buisness center Chennai along with Ramsey. If thats you reply

at ssuresh83@gmail.com

I'm thinking: "Is he gay or something?"

The actual post

hi ramsey
3 months before you interviewed me at chennai along with akshay. plz see my blog at gettips.blogspot.com

I'm thinking: "GET TIPS?????" ***

The actual post

hi sir
3 months ago you was in chennai.and me who was interviewed by RaMsey,Akshay.i failed in the Interview.but passionate on Google. i had finished my B.E.cse in 2004 now i am woring in India Cement Infotech as Java Progr (ERP).But my aim is to work in an Top MNC company.
all i need from you is a advice how to prepare a neat Resume having 1+ exp. how to approach google having SCJP Certification.
if you really want to help me plz mail me at ssuresh83@gmail.com

I'm thinking: "Wow! An SCJP certificate and he cannot write a resume on his own."

I'd previously blogged about the above three pieces of literary art on sycophantic shithead
Now here's something fresh:

The actual post

hi ramsey Suresh , if you would like to give a T-Shirt of Google. I like that.cAN YOU DO THAT FOR ME. BECAUSE my friends who went to google hyderabad got tshirts. but i am unlucky .

I'm thinking: "brrrrrrrrrrrrrr..."

The actual post

you blog is nice . you love your mom.i too love my mom.she has sacrifised everything for me. Mother is pUREST of all.she doesnt expect anythhing from u.only love from you

I'm thinking: "This belongs in The Louvre"

The actual post

wow superb you know i am impressed about tornado,lightning,i used to take photos with my digital camera.
if i would be there i would sing

"Rain Drops are Falling on My Legs...

I'm thinking: "Holy SHIT!"

The actual post

Suresh, who are you? You write the most lame comments. Get a life.

Now this is a guy [another "anonymous"... the first "anonymous" being me] who - like me - has had it with our hero
I'm thinking: "Praise the lord!"

The actual post

hi anonoymous if you were in java
i would blast you like anything .see whatever you write it reflects your mind. if you have guts comment it with your

name.don't stand behind "annonymous"
in real you will be anonyoumous.then no one cares

I'm thinking: "Java? Annonynous? Anonyoumous?? What the fuck?"

The actual post

I am suresh. I am lame. I like to blast people. Visit my site www.IAmLame.com

This is the piece de resistance. IAmLame is a good site and not even an utterly deluded fool would believe that the same guy who wrote these stupid comments could write something like IAmLame.
I'm thinking: NOTHING. By this time, my senses had taken sick leave.

Now the obvious question. Drifter, why do you give a fuck?
The answer. I was bored to death, pissed and didn't have anything to rant about. Until now. It made no sense posting this as another comment on Ramsey's World because it simply wasn't the right place to start a comment war. Neither was Get Tips because nobody would bother with that site anyway. What's left? This.

And yeah. God bless the second "anonymous".

*** it ain't Get Tips no more. it's POLLY.

SON OF JOR-EL! KNEEL BEFORE ZOD!!!

2005-10-08T08:48:00.000+02:00

for all those crazy people...

2005-10-06T05:01:00.000+02:00

This is for all those people who have so much free time that they post comments out here.
I won't say "fuck awf" or "get a life" or "mind your business". Hell, I need all the comments I can collect.
There's just one tiny thing you need to keep in mind. Those dang < i >, < b >, < blockquote > tags don't show up right. At the first instance of any such tag, the rest of the comment switches to Mr. India mode. All that appears is a /* and everything after that simply disappears.
So here's what I wanted to say.
WHEN COMMENTING, LOSE ALL YOUR FANCY TAGS AND KEEP IT SIMPLE. QUOTES AND CAPITAL LETTERS ARE MORE THAN ENOUGH.
By the way, I do have a devious way of reading what was originally intended to be written. It's elementary. Anybody facing a similar problem can try it out. The comment is intact in the page's source code. Just say "view source" and hunt for it.

simple, yet profound

2005-09-30T05:06:00.000+02:00

In some remote village of India, one masterji is teaching the Mahabharat Katha to class SIX students. He is at the Krishnajanma part of it.

Masterji: "Kansa heard the akashwani that his sister's 8th child is going to kill him. He was furious. He ordered Vasudev and Devaki put behind bars.
First son is born, and Kansa kills him by poisoning.
Second one is born and Kansa throws him off the mountain peak. Third one is born."

Now Ramu - smartest of the lot - puts up his hand.
[sounding nervous n confused] "Masterji, I have a doubt"

Masterji: "Ramu bete, whole India does not have doubt in Mahabharata. How come u have one?"

Ramu: Masterji, if Kansa knew that Devaki's 8th child was going to kill him,
WHY THE HELL DID HE PUT VASUDEV AND DEVAKI IN THE SAME CELL?

still need proof that the Mahabharat is just another stupid novel?
that aside, it also proves that Ramu is very advanced for his age. this guy is in the SIXTH CLASS and knows that man + woman = kid.
I didn't know that till my EIGHTH class and even that was by accident.

Municipality Monkeys

2005-09-22T05:00:00.000+02:00

I always wonder. Why do these municipality monkeys feel the overpowering urge to dig up roads in the FUCKING RAINY SEASON!!???
There's the rest of the whole damn year to do it without making others' lives more miserable than they already are. But no. They want to do it only in the bloody rainy season! What do they do for the rest of the year? Fornicate?
The result? Dug up roads, pits, potholes, half-assed slushy diversions.
Whoever said "India is shining" should come to Lingampally and talk out of his ass. I'ma choke him right there.

Formula -1

2005-09-22T04:25:00.000+02:00

Wet shirt + wet pants + wet shoes + wet, stinking socks + wet, smelly underwear + AC vent right above + 9 hours in office = HELL

A thing of beauty

2005-09-20T05:40:00.000+02:00

Ain't it beautiful?
Equally beautiful is the hole in my pocket.

Invictus

2005-09-13T10:36:00.000+02:00

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

William Ernest Henley. 1849-1903

I've seen it all

2005-09-13T08:01:00.000+02:00

They say "cricket is a gentleman's game". Till yesterday, I might have agreed. Not any more.
CRICKET IS A ROCKSTAR'S GAME. And that's how it should be.
The Ashes 2005 will go into the books as the greatest test series the world has beheld. Sloppy fielding, umpiring mistakes, stupid batting and all.
Though I'm disappointed the guys in gold couldn't stop fate, I'm glad they fought it all the way. And watching the Poms rejoice with the urn made me feel happy for them even though I was rooting for the convicts.
But GAWD what a series! What players! What atmosphere!
If a kid asked me what the coliseum looked like in its hey-day, I would show him videos of Fred celebrating after every wicket, Hollywood jinxing hapless batsmen, Brett taking on the ball with every inch of his body and Kevin walking off the pitch with his arms wide open, bat in one hand and helmet in the other.
I've had it with cricket. I'm afraid watching other matches may spoil this experience I've had.

Chandanagar Police Fortress

2005-09-06T09:24:00.000+02:00

What exactly is Indian democracy?

Indian democracy is an ungodly mixture of the shittiest aspects of communism, capitalism and dictatorship and brain-wash.
Allow me to explain...
Communism: ONE AND A HALF percent of the entire population works to pay taxes while the rest simply enjoy the ride. ESPECIALLY SC and ST arseholes who are gifted everything from money to mansions.
Capitalism: A select few who have Lady Serendipity's blessings make it big and stay there while people working under them are stuck from 9 to 5 for the rest of their lives making money for their masters and paying for the abject lot that doesn't work.
Dictatorship: Anybody who makes it to a legislative office assumes the role of supreme overlord. Him and his buddies can go on and rape, pillage, murder, blatantly break every fucking law there is and get away scot-free while the common man is screwed on every stupid whim a lawmaker has had.
Brain-wash: Bastards say this government is "of the people, by the people and for the people." REALLY??? India Shining. REALLY???
The only place where the ordinary man has a choice is when he is stamping the ballot paper. But that doesn't matter because there are dipshits everywhere who'll rig ballot boxes anyway. The only "choice" here is whether one wants to be fucked orally or anally. WOW!

coming back to our "fortress", I don't get it. These guys have guns and shit. What are they afraid of?

The Iceman sets Monza on fire...

2005-09-03T13:52:00.000+02:00

"... you know what? I'm still the fastest man on track. Penalize me if you will, I'll still be coming through."
the inimitable Steve Slater attempting to voice The Iceman's thoughts...
... and this is just Qualifying!

The Race.
Well, if McLaren didn't look so damn sexy, I'd have emptied out my expletive list and then some. For now, I can only say "FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARK! DOUBLE FAAAAAARK! FAAAAAAAAARK TIMES THREE!"
Keep pushing, Kimi. You're unstoppable. Put the fear of ice in Senor Fernando.

meet Infernus

2005-09-02T11:59:00.000+02:00

Meet Infernus - hound from hell. My new pet.
This canine crackpot's family tree can be traced back to Cerebrus.
He tried to get frisky with Hades' bitch, so Hades skinned him alive and sent him to me for the rest of eternity.
Be afraid. VERY afraid.

"Say hello to my little friend"

2005-09-01T13:16:00.000+02:00

Meet the Red September. My new weapon of mass castration. Henceforth, anybody who has a problem with me - especially in office - will be meeting Red here. This nickel plated beauty is the result of decades of research. Honed to perfection, it can penetrate the thickest of skins in a single prick like a white hot knife thru butter. Now, I intend to make it infinitely more lethal by dipping it in various chemicals of dubious reputation.
Ah! This is going to be the beginning of a beautiful friendship!

sycophantic shithead

2005-08-29T12:17:00.000+02:00

The show begins with Akshay at his articulate best. I see a new comment has been added. I check it out...

hi akshay
i think you are the one asking me questions in HR round at DBN Buisness center Chennai along with Ramsey. If thats you reply at ssuresh83@gmail.com

Part Deux. Shal smiling with her fuel - a grande blended misto... Starbucks, of course.

The Shithead Strikes Back!

hi ramsey
3 months before you interviewed me at chennai along with akshay. plz see my blog at gettips.blogspot.com

Numero Tres. Shal all smiles before she runs 197/4 [figure it out] miles.

I see something familiar. It's a bird... it's a plane... ITS SYCOPHANT MAN!!

hi sir
3 months ago you was in chennai.and me who was interviewed by RaMsey,Akshay.i failed in the Interview.but passionate on Google. i had finished my B.E.cse in 2004 now i am woring in India Cement Infotech
as Java Progr (ERP).But my aim is
to work in an Top MNC company.
all i need from you is a advice
how to prepare a neat Resume having 1+ exp. how to approach
google having SCJP Certification.
if you really want to help me plz mail me at ssuresh83@gmail.com

SHEESH! Where did good old ego and self-respect disappear? Don't people make them anymore?

Bittersweet Symphony

2005-08-29T12:04:00.000+02:00

xxxxxxx says:
hi buddy
yours truly says:
hey, dude. how are you doing?
xxxxxxx says:
not well yaar
xxxxxxx says:
totally frustrated
xxxxxxx says:
hey ? abt u
yours truly says:
ah! welcome to the club.

'Cause it's a bittersweet symphony, this life
Trying to make ends meet
You're a slave to money then you die

GREAT song by The Verve

Time to rejoice!

2005-08-28T09:50:00.000+02:00

Hee haw! Auto drivers go on indefinite strike.
I hope they never come back.
Finally, I can drive with relative ease without having to smoke lead or outrace some loon to the nearest opening in traffic.
GREAT way to mark the completion of my bike's fifth year!

An evening of idiocy

2005-08-28T00:06:00.000+02:00

Ah! Managed to survive another evening of stupidity on public display. These guys were celebrating the birthday of Krishna...
All this kinda fuelled my furnace of questions.
1. Why do these people paint some clueless kid blue instead of getting someone really black?
2. If Krishna was "gawd", why couldn't he didn't he simply fart out some gene-tailored virus and smite down every dickead that had a problem with him?
3. If Krishna can steal butter, eat shit and flirt with SIXTEEN THOUSAND chicks and get kudos for doing that, why did I get the crap kicked outta me when I was doing something similar?
4. Why does the good guy always have to bust his arse in some damn jungle while the bad guy is in some swanky palace making out with some hottie?
5. Why are these 'epics' worshipped when they look like just a few frigging war novels that have managed to endure the ravages of time?
6. If there is a god and he created me, why am I here blaspheming my arse off? Why is Earth being screwed so bad? Why do plants, birds and animals keep getting driven to oblivion?
7. Why did the biggest massacres in history justify themselves as HOLY WARS?
8. Where is proof that man isn't a failed experiment left to fester on this planet by some bloody alien race?

Attaboy, Kimi!

2005-08-22T06:34:00.000+02:00

The Iceman kicketh some Renault arse yet again!
Screw conservation... screw safety... screw the championship... just go out there and keep winning.
FLY, ICEMAN... FLY!

Seat 29E

2005-08-18T14:31:00.000+02:00

Fact. I hate to quote or copy.
When I do, it has to be damn special.
This is a complaint a poor chap wrote to Continental Airlines about his experience in Seat 29E. It has been immortalized in PDF here. I've taken the liberty of making a long image out of it and hosting it myself. This is meant as a tribute to the guy who wrote this SPLENDID piece of prose despite his suffering and even managed to capture his state of mind in a couple of simple pictures; NOT to be confused for plagiarism.
This one has had me in splits all day. Folks around me see me quivering silently and think I'm sick or mad. Blast them. I thank whoever wrote this for the rest of my life for lighting up my day today.
Without further blabber, here goes...

Just in case the picture tries to act funky, here's the text:

Dear Continental Airlines,

I am disgusted as I write this note to you about the miserable experience I am having sitting in seat 29E on one of your aircrafts. As you may know, this seat is situated directly across from the lavatory, so close that I can reach out my left am and touch the door.

All my senses are being tortured simultaneously. It's difficult to say what the worst part about sitting in 29E really is? Is it the stench of the sanitation fluid that's blown all over my body every 60 seconds when the door opens? Is it the wooosh of the constant flushing? Or is it the passengers asses that seem to fit into my personal space like a pornographic jig-saw puzzel?

I constructed a stink-shield by shoving one end of a blanket into the overhead compartment — while effective in blocking at least some of the smell, and offering a small bit of privacy, the ass-on-my-body factor has increased, as without my evil glare, passengers feel free to lean up against what they think is some kind of blanketed wall. The next ass that touches my shoulder will be the last!

I am picturing a board room full of executives giving props to the young promising engineer that figured out how to squeeze an additional row of seats onto this plane by putting them next to the LAV. I would like to flush his head in the toilet that I am close enough to touch, and taste, from my seat.

Putting a seat here was a very bad idea. I just heard a man groan in there! This sucks!

Worse yet, is I've paid over $400.00 for the honor of sitting in this seat!

Does your company give refunds? I'd like to go back where I came from and start over. Seat 29E could only be worse if it was located inside the bathroom.

I wonder if my clothing will retain the sanitizing odor . . . what about my hair! I feel like I'm bathing in a toilet bowl of blue liquid, and there is no man in a little boat to save me.

I am filled with a deep hatred for your plane designer and a general dis-ease that may last for hours.

We are finally decending, and soon I will be able to tear down the stink-shield, but the scars will remain.

I suggest that you initiate immediate removal of this seat from all of your crafts. Just remove it, and leave the smouldering brown hole empty, a good place for sturdy/non-absorbing luggage maybe, but not human cargo.

Seat 29E lowdown on Snopes.com - Seat 29E

Quiz - How I live my life...

2005-08-18T09:53:00.000+02:00

Blogthings quizzes. Neat site. No bullshit questions and pretty sensible answers.
No points for guessing where I got the link from.

This is me...

You seem to be straight forward, but you keep a lot inside.
You tend to avoid confrontation and stay away from sticky situations.
You tend to have one best friend you hang with, as opposed to many aquaintances.
You tend to dream big, but you worry that your dreams aren't attainable.

FLAG!

2005-08-18T06:29:00.001+02:00

a-HA! A nifty FLAG button!
Somebody up there sure likes me!

supreme

2005-08-17T14:21:00.000+02:00

8 PM. The sky opens up.
Cold, dark, wet...
...wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...
Water sprays...
Things blur...
Something whizzes past...
"MAAAAAWM... it's a bird! ...or is it a plane?"
"No, dear... it's a suicidal maniac."
Absolutely right, mom. Suicidal maniac it is. It's ME.

Heaven hates me, hell doesn't want me... the world can't handle me.
I am Constantly Demented.

FUCK THE RAIN.
FUCK THE ROAD.
FUCK THE COPS.
FUCK THE RULES.
FUCK DEATH.

I AM my machine. My machine is me.
What do we feel?
We feel cold.
We feel wet.
We feel blind.
We feel strong.
We feel untouchable.
We feel alive.
We feel SUPREME.

Wish I was on a kart, not a bike.

Deus Ex Machina

2005-08-16T15:03:00.000+02:00

Morpheus: Do you believe in fate, Neo?
Neo: No.
Morpheus: Why not?
Neo: 'cause I don't like the idea that I'm not in control of my life.

Wish I was like Neo...
Wish I didn't have a past...
Wish I never felt hungry...
Wish I never felt sleepy...
Wish I never felt happy...
Wish I never felt sad...
Wish I never felt pain...
Wish I never felt pleasure...
Wish I never cried...
Wish I never laughed...

Wish I was cold...
Wish I was flawless...
Wish I was indestructible...
Wish I was tireless...

I wish...
I wish I was a MACHINE.

about goddamn time...

2005-08-15T07:50:00.000+02:00

Me and an amigo went to a swanky book store where I saw THIS book. Cool cover. Should pretty much explain what the book is all about.
How do folks like Dan Brown and Sidney Sheldon become "bestselling authors"? Many Sheldon fans [!!!] I know think he's a hot chick.
Coming back to ASC... the only reason I didn't buy it was the price tag. 250 bucks Indian. For a book that's a tad bigger tham my palm. There's no way in hell I can justify spending that cash on a book that wouldn't be read more than once and spend the rest of it's existence collecting dust. Why doesn't the print industry give Gutenberg a break and move to e-books? They're cheaper, cleaner and lighter. Now I know why forests disappear.
Reminds me of a definition I read ages back...
ECOLOGIST: Guy who writes a thousand page bestseller on where all trees have disappeared.

Picture source: Amazon.com

great ball, great commentary

2005-08-11T15:34:00.000+02:00

41.5 Warne to Trescothick, OUT: full and spinning a bit, Trescothick goes for the sweep, the ball hits bat, glove, Trescothick's leg and God only knows what else. It then hits Gilchrist on the thigh and pops up in the air and he snatches a catch!

WAY TO GO, HOLLYWOOD!
Nice commentary, Cricinfo.

another day in Shitsville

2005-08-11T12:50:00.000+02:00

I can still taste the lead force-fed into my lungs by the fucking truck beside me last evening.
New day, same shit. Dude next to me is asleep. Dame next to me has been devouring the phone for as long as I can remember. Can't do either. Can't fall asleep and ain't got nothing to talk about.

I make 22 grand a month to sit on a chair and stare at a monitor for nine hours a day. I pity the next lot of starry-eyed graduates who are bound for this swanky sweatshop.
The more I think about nothing, the more questions arise...
Why do I risk my life everyday to come to office on time?
Why do acquaintances gawk in wonder when I mention I'm working for $%^&@!@ ?
Why do I get paid when all I do is burn electricity to check my email?
Why can't I simply zip it and be shameless like all these people around me?

When I finally think about my life and make a well considered decision, why should I get blown off by people most of who live under the delusion that they are the next best thing after Sigmund Freud? What does reviewing ads have to do with how I talk or dress up? Some dame on the phone asks me to walk her thru my resume. Plain and simple... there ain't nothing in it to walk thru. Name, address and qualification. The only thing that makes me proud of my resume is the total lack of hypocrisy. Atleast I didn't copy it from some shithead who copied his from a gazillion other people. Atleast I understand what my career objective is. WALK YOU THRU MY RESUME?? BITCH... TAKE A WALK AND GO LEARN ENGLISH. Gimme an ad... ask me to review it. THEN make a frigging decision. What does my love for video games have to do with my selection? If there was a place where I'd be paid to play video games, I'd be there... not on the phone sucking up to you. Does candor hold no value in the market today? Senors Page and Brin, good luck with Google India.

The one thing I will regret most in my life is fucking up my first Google interview when things were rosy till I blew it. Akshay, man... you shouldn't have snipped off my cover letter and I - asshole to the core - shouldn't have agreed to it. "It doesn't give an impression of you being a good team player", people say. How would you know I'm not a good team player unless I play in a team first?

Knock knock, sane people from Planet Goog... I wasn't at the right place at the right time and now wanted to make amends for it. I botched an interview and spent the next two months replaying it in my head, knowing full well Im much, MUCH better than that. Why? Because I felt the job was worth it. Isn't the fact that I wanna throw away half my salary to get into a job that makes me feel I'm not a hypocrite something to think about?
Fuck all that. When I do manage to put everything I can into not two, but FOUR ESSAYS and wait for three agonizing weeks drawing out hypothetical scenarios in my head, bugging the poor dude who made the mistake of refering me in the first place for any little update he might have, somebody decides to call me and speak in a tone that drips with condescension, and finally, in all her wisdom, decides I'm:
a. overqualified
b. unsure
c. impolite
d. most likely to jump ship
e. plain stupid
f. a caveman
g. any or all of the above
Senorita, I'll tell you what. You forgot to add NONE OF THE ABOVE to the list. And if I'd be in a position where I could wish the agonies of the damned upon anybody I chose, YOU would win the prize. Plus tax.

Bollocks to public relations. The world as we know it today was defined by people who sucked at PR. And if YOU, Madame X think you're better than them, may you wallow in your ignorance for the rest of eternity. I'll make myself comfortable in my cave and see you in hell after I die.

I WILL try again in November because I believe ONE person out there is smart enough to understand me. If I still fail, I'll consider a career in suicide bombing. Hope I don't have to walk anybody thru my resume there.

I gotta go smoke some diesel fumes. Adios.

This is the first time in six months I've used "bitch" to describe a female. The promise I made to a friend stands broken.

Outsourcing Explained

2005-08-09T14:13:00.000+02:00

bid my blood to run
before I come undone
save me from the nothing I've become

the picture is yours truly's creation, vaguely inspired by Scott Adams
text lifted directly from the song by Evanescance.

Numero Uno

2005-08-06T03:30:00.000+02:00

Never dreamt Id be doing this. my "thoughts" are a crock of steaming shit. I simply do not understand why somebody would offer free space for people to write shit like
"I noticed a boil on my arse today... the size and color of a cherry".

I was going thru Mayur's collection of crap when I saw a link that said "Tanushree".
Dunno why, I just like that name. So I went ahead and clicked.
Something clicked in my head, too. I was motivated.
T., your writing rocks.

hasta la vista.